MY DOUBT

So much has happened,

So much has changed.

Trust has been broken,

I now live in shame.

My head feels heavy. 

I fear everyone knows. 

They look at me now,

I now feel there blows 

Guilty inside,

no treasure to find.

all these feelings locked up inside!

I can't breathe, 

I can't find,

I am lost...dead inside!  

There is no light in this part,

just scared in the dark.

I can't find my way.

I am  far gone some would say.

She used to be so alive and so bright!

what happened to all of the love in her life?

She put her trust in the: church 

her friends, family 

and man.

she put them so high, they brought her so low!

She couldn't hold on to the pieces of her now broken soul! 

 down she went, straight down in a hole. 

And now it dark, scary 

and cold!

I am hurt, and I'm bleeding,

never been so stressed.

I don't feel safe anymore, 

not close to His chest.

I cry in the night, 

trying to find my hope!

trying to chase it down like wispy ghost. 

I need to find the light.

I am terrified of this night!

I believe I am going to loose this fight.

What happened to my Christianity that I held onto so tight?

She can't get it together.

She has lost her mind!

She now has a few addictions to add to her strife! 

She is not even trying, so it seems. 

I wouldn't judge her, but she deserves being brought so low.

She never would have thought she would be here, a year ago. 

Doesn't listen, doesn't learn.

refuses to admit! 

that her faith was never strong! 

That's how she ended up in this pit!

Please help me...please help me! 

I am asking you all. 

I can't live another day!

I know I will fall! 

If you can't help me when I am down,

then don't act like you care. 

My doubt has just gotten the better of me.

My God is this fair?

I have tried many years to make my life work.

But all I have found in many years is hurt!

Failure, after Failure. 

Day, after day.

Can you help me? Help me stop living this way?

I picked up a Bible after so many years. 

went to a passage that calmed all my fears. 

For the Lord has not given us the spirit of fear and doubt!

But a sound mind is given to those lives that are found!  

It doesn't matter that I once was full of shame.

for God has taken away all thoughts of dismay. 

He has brought me to a sunshiny day. 

And taken away all doubt in His name! 

The pain has now lessened. 

And I don't care if everyone knows, 

how He made me whole! 

And strengthened my Love,

of the one who is love! 

For He is the Lord who stomped out, my DOUBT!