In this blog I am talking about to different outlooks I could be having on this day. This is a portrayal of the spiritual battle that we go through constantly. The first one is the negative outlook. I just thought that I would post a kind of warning...so that you would keep reading to get to the meat of what I am trying to convey. But these are real true feeling that I have, it's just how I choose to respond to these feeling that makes who I am! Sometimes I win, and sometimes God wins in me!
I have decided that I must be wicked. I love myself, sadly sometimes more then anything! I make grand mistakes! And why can't they ever be small. I don't know myself, and yet I know myself better then anything or anyone. I have been lonely, afraid and angry for so long I am starting to believe that is just me! I want to be honest with those I love, but sometimes I just can't! I love to vent, but it seems I never get over what I vent about. I have done things that I shouldn't way to much. I have been struggling for years with problems I should be over by now. I let others rule my life because I refuse to forgive. I love feeling rebellious, and hate that I love it! I don't like to ever be told what to do! I can't wait till I feel independent, but yet I am scared like a small child on the first day of school. I don't know how to be a good friend, and jealousy always creeps in. I don't like me, but once again I like me way too much. I don't like to be hurt, but I am an expert at hurting others. I don't always listen when I should. Sometimes I just don't care. I am tired of being the shoulder to cry on, I would love to just give up for awhile. Sometimes at church I don't feel like being there. And I struggle with doubt! When people talk about God or the Bible sometimes I tune out! I want to hurt others in the way they have hurt me, revenge is what I long for. Sometimes I hate growing up in the Bible belt, because sometimes Christians make me sick! And there are somedays when I have no ambition to get up in the morning, and my attitude sucks. I have so many bad habits I can't count them on both hands. Horribly I can't talk about sad things, because that might just ruin my day. As I head out with no confidence in God, or me! weighed down with a load of depression, and anxiety. I get tired of being a fallen creature!
On the other side I have decided that I am Chosen! It's good to love yourself, but don't always put yourself first!
Everyone makes mistakes, and they are all the same in God's eyes. Even though I know who I am, God knows me better, because He created me! Being lonely, angry, and scared are just some of the many obstacles that we will have to face. But we can make it with His help! It's good to find people to be complete y honest with. People to help keep you accountable before God. And as far as venting goes, it's ok as long as you get up from that moment and let it all go! We all do things that we shouldn't, but the closer we get to the father the less we will do. Don't let others rule your life! You are only accountable to God at the end of the day. Learn to forgive, and to let go of this rebellion. TAKE CAPTIVE YOUR THOUGHTS! Let none of this get in your way (including your jealousy). Try your very best not to hurt others (HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE). Don't be apart of this game! Take God's hand an run into the future, don't be afraid of independence! Continue to give your shoulder to friends in need, because we all need each other! Even if it's hard just brace yourself for the long run! DON'T GIVE UP ON PEOPLE! The biggest testimony you can give is showing people that God will never leave them, by sticking it thru the hard times with them. Be the ever present hand of God in someone's life! (WETHER THE AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT THEOLOGY OR NOT!) The reason we don't want to be in church sometimes is that the enemy doesn't want us there! SO THAT IS WHY WE HAVE TO GO! We have to realize that christian people make mistakes, sometimes big, fat, huge mistakes! But so do we! We are an imperfect people, with a perfect God! Don't hate the church because it's made up of fallen creatures just like you and me! Find a church that realizes there imperfection, and allows you to grow together towards the heart of the Father! Fight your bad attitudes, and your sinful thoughts! Sad news shouldn't ruin your day, just let give you something to pray and think about. I am now headed out with full confidence in God, and in Him thru me! Not depression or anxiety today! I am fallen, but I choose to get back up!
