DESPERATION

I am praying in desperation that you won't let the hurt come in. 
Tears always seem to be in my eyes, as I think about your plan. 
I know this can be taken as kind of insult, but please here my pain! 
I have got to learn that your ways are higher then mine.
And that just because I want something so desperately doesn't mean that it's not for me. 




I have been under a belief system that is so unstable, that I worry sometimes for my fragile heart! 
I have come to have beliefs that I know are possibly flawed.
The biggest dreams of my heart, and the vision of my life seems to be unreadable to you. 
Sometimes I question if you even know this heart that you created! 




Are you there? Do you care? These are the two main questions at this point. 
My heart yearns some kind of sign that I am on the right path. 
But I seem to be alone on this dark road! 
I have no confirmation that you are by my side! 


The deepest desires of my heart are ready to be met. 
They have been in this state for so very long! 
Just like a flower is ready to bloom in the spring, so my heart is ready to sore. 
Why can't you see that I am ready?




Like a warrior ready for battle I stand at the edge of the cliff. 
Looking at the army you have given me. 
But yet you do not give the orders to charge! 
I stand there, as they stare at me waiting on my move. 
But I am stuck. 
I believe they think I am a fool!


"Don't move you say, and be silent!"
Being still is hard for me, and silence is even more difficult! 
"But Lord they are waiting, you gave me tools why can't they be used". 
"Now is not the time". You whisper! 
"But when"? I reply. 


Years have past, and the conversation is the same. 
They say you won't hurt me, that you have good plans in store. 
But I just can't believe you! 
I want too, more then you will even know! (BUT I CAN'T)


I feel like your plans keep me unchanged, and unmoving! 
The world spins around me at top speed, and slow motion is my pace! 
Am I missing something?
Why does it seem that you don't love me! 
For why else would you keep me chained to plans, that seem to do me no good! 


I have nothing to loose, and nothing to gain! 
Your plans don't seem to give me the since of adventure, and belonging that we are all searching for! 
I am sorry for being so week. 
What creatures of emotions we all are! 


I am trying Lord to believe what they say. 
Trying to give everyday a chance to surprise me. 
Looking for you in every moment! 
I am holding on to you word. 


I know that you are good, and that is what I cling too! 
As I sit here sorting out my thoughts, I think of all you have done.
I am trying my hardest not to be ungrateful. 
I am just a girl with a lot on my mind this night. 


Please understand my thoughts, are not a jibe of how hard you are on me!
They are just momentary feelings, and tomorrow is another day. 
I once again say that you are good, and that's all I need to know right now!