After all this time it is great to say that things have changed. Now not everything has changed in a way that I would have liked it to change. But things are different none the less. The good and the bad of last few years has finally come to rest. Like the ripples in the water after you throw in a stone. I have found a place of contentment and after my long hard journey to get here, I must say that I am relieved.
Ever since I got out of Masters life has seemed sloppy! I have never really been good at letting things go or people. But I can say these last 3 years have taught me more about myself the the 3 before. It’s totally different figuring out things by yourself! With no one telling you who to be or how to act. I have made personal decisions on many of my own beliefs, and all I can say is it was about time! My relationship with God is my own, it is now attached to anyone else’s! That is why it is much harder to sway me now then it was a couple years ago. I have changed some of my theology, based on what I know about God, and His nature by reading the Bible. And taking Him at His word. I have changed my home church as well. Not that anything was wrong with the old church, just that it was time to move on. I have since found an incredible group of believers who I love very much! It was hard being one of the few Single young adults at the other. And was time to meet some new people, who I have grown very close to. My life has really changed! I spend a lot more time in Mid-town and Downtown Memphis thanks to going to HP. So sometimes it feels like I have moved out of town! If you know me at all has been one of my dreams to get the heck out of this city. But life is good, even though it seems that I complain way to much! I just wanted to write down, why I have every reason in the world to be happy! God is always looking out for me. Just if few examples are…
When I graduated from Masters Commission I had a lot of friends, but those friends where attached to the program that I had just finished. Some where leaving town for good, and others would continue on without me. I know that I had received 3 years of ministry training that completely changed my life. In some ways in made me grow-up, and I was a totally different person then I was when I signed up. There was a lot of good that came from my Masters experience, but there was also a lot of heartache! I won’t go into details, but the last year of masters some garbage went down that really made me take a good look in the mirror. At first I was more self loathing then I have ever been, but then I decided to heal! It was hard, but I pressed through! It taught me a lot about myself, and the God that wanted all of me! I can now look back on the time I spent thinking about all I had lost, and say that it was all in God’s plan! I have since then forgiven everyone who had hurt me, and found even more reasons to smile!
Going back to the friend issue. Once again I was without close friends after everybody returned home, and school had started once again. A very close friend of mine was leaving to become a missionary associate and moving out of the country. It was then that I started praying for a Godly friend, who I could just live life with. And that is when Jenna showed up at church. At first she was just a friend of a friend, but then we became close. I don’t know where I would be spiritually today if it wasn’t for her friendship. I never will forget some of are deep talks about life, God, and relationships! I will forever be grateful for a friend, when i need one the most! She has been my armor bearer for almost 3 years now. She has seen me at my worst, and at my best! We have fought, and we have laughed! And I wish her all the best in the world!
I will never say that anything in my life was not filtered through God’s hands. My belief in Him is one that will never change! I have decided that life it good! Moments, and situations might suck! But life is good! At the end of this tunnel I will be will be able to breathe again! I have decided to keep writing, take beautiful pictures, and continue singing about the God who made it all possible (including my life). I can’t forget what He has done, nor the people I have met and the places I have gone! Each has carved there impression upon my heart! Some good, and some not so! But all has been for reason and purpose, and even if I have to keep telling my self this.. I will believe it! But all in all LIFE IS GOOD!!!!
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